top of page

Culling Two Birds ...

Consider the following ...

So I have something of a modest proposal to offer you. A way to solve two problems currently going on in the world, both caused by psychopathically regressive ideologues. I understand this idea may not sit easy with those of you who have ... shall we say, morals? But take solace in the fact I intend to wield this power only for good. To be used in pursuit of justice only on the most vile, despicable, regressive human beings imaginable.

Suffice to say, these people I'm talking about have had their chance. They really have. I struggle to think of anyone short of Mother Theresa or Jesus himself who'd take pity on them, and even then I have my doubts. In fact, if you believe at all in virtue and free will, you'll probably agree with me in saying it's rather unfair to really classify them as people at all.

What should we call them? What would you call them?

They're rather less than human. More like animals, really. Not a lot of prefrontal cortex action going on, if you know what I mean. No higher thinking capacity. They're driven almost by an irrational emotional base instinct.

In fact, they're so lacking in impulse control and social awareness, that they pose a very real and grave threat to civilized society at large. We could, and probably should, lock them up in cages to serve as an example for others to see.

They're a bit like zoo animals, in that regard.

Yes, I think that's an apt description. Certainly, a fitting one at that. I mean, what else would you call a lifeform so ungrateful for its wider habitat, so depraved, so degenerate, that it would break into a public zoo and rape a pony in front of little children?

Clearly, that's not the action of a being with higher reasoning. Of moral human character. Of dignity and decency or conscientiousness.

No, such barbarity as this can only be wrought by something altogether subhuman.

Maybe I'm being too harsh? I mean, what's wrong with one zoo animal copulating with another zoo animal? Sure, it's still a bit rapey for the pony, but dominance hierarchies exist in nature, right? If the horse didn't wanna be fucked, it should have moved to another country where raping ponies in front of children isn't part of the native culture. In the new, diverse, and inclusive Europa, it's really inevitable that this will eventually become the dominant culture, and there's no room for beastophobia. We just can't tolerate that kind of intolerance and hateful bigotry.

It's simply no one else's business to dictate who subhuman garbage chooses to molest.

And it shouldn't matter than it was only a little pony either, right? The leftist media is constantly trying to reassure us that pedophilia is simply just a lifestyle choice and that even children can consent to sexual intercourse with adult humans, so this is just Nature's way of loving itself.

It's the price of living in a civilized society, after all, so get used to it.

Ok, but as idealistic and noble a vision as that might seem, we still have to take the world as it is, not how we'd like it to be. Society isn't that far ahead of the curve and it's dangerous to go around preaching such ideas as that. We have to be smarter and hide such malevolent intentions so that, even if we believe them in our hearts, no one can ever know about it.

We have to at least act like we believe as everyone else believes and do what everyone else does. To suppress such libertine urges and make ourselves functionally equivalent to normal human beings and never do that kind of stuff in public in broad daylight, lest we get caught by someone and have to face terrible consequences for it.

It sucks, I know, but I've at least shown you the way.

See, I'm so good at persuading you, I'm going to convince you I'm a normal human being by now actively joining in with you all in suggesting we throw this humanoid piece of scum under the bus, along with all those like him. Yes, it's sad the levels I must stoop to become a sleeper agent for a righteous cause, but not nearly as sad as the sheer number of worthless sacks of shit like him there are in the world.

It's not like a cursory Google search of "migrant sex with animals" would turn up 40 million results or anything along those lines. That'd be absurd!

Right, so here's what I'm thinking.

We've got all these zoo animals, right? We can't have them running around the streets of Western civilization, and it's not exactly politically correct to hold them accountable for their actions. Just ask England or Sweden. They'll tell you, that's totally racist and pedophobic, which is literally the worst thing you could be short of like a crazy orange traitor Hitler or something, but let's forget about that for now.

Forget about Trump and just stick with me on this.

What's the best place for zoo animals? A zoo, obviously. And what's the one place on Earth that we know of that both has plenty of room for a few million rapists and is currently running a huge deficit on its supply of zoo animals?

That's right, Venezuela!

Progressive, diversity-loving, all-inclusive, open-borbers, socialism-faithfully-implemented-to-the-point-of-mass-starvation Venezula! Run by that oh-so benevolent dictator, the Raucous from Caracas, Nicolás Madura. From what I hear, the only thing Scumlord-in-Chief Madura loves more than eating empanadas is sharing the experience with his own people.

Good to know that he can hold food in his stomach at the same time as he holds their stomachs in mind.

Speaking of stomachs, those of you with weak ones might not like what I'm about to propose, but again, I'm behooved to remind you it's for the greater good that we do this. The wisdom of psychopaths, after all, is often what defines human destiny.

Right, so we have all these zoo animals without a proper home, and we have all these Venezuelans who seem to enjoy spending a disproportionate amount of time at the zoo. They must really love it so much, I'm sure they'd be thrilled to get a fresh new batch of exotic wild animals coming into their country.

Seems like a match made in heaven if you ask me.

You can already see their South American faces light up, their eyes go wide, their mouths agape in wonder (yes, I'm sure it's wonder and not something else). Somewhere in Valencia, you just know there's a little abuela who'll get one look at these creatures coming in, pinch his little sandy cheeks, and say, "My gosh, I could just eat you right up, you little cream pie!"

And indeed, he'd be just gushing with cream, and probably something else as well as he gets settled into his new home, which may be a bit more cramped than the typical iron cages he's grown used to.

Bloody Karkat, Culling Intensifies

If you thought this post was anything but satire and sarcasm, you are one sick fuck and I have a one-way ticket to

Venezuela with your name on it for you to participate in the Hunger Games down there.

Featured Posts
Recent Posts
Search By Tags
Follow Us
  • Facebook Basic Square
  • Twitter Basic Square
  • Google+ Basic Square
bottom of page